CHAPTER 37

NowRobertJordanlaywiththegirlandhewatchedtimepassingonhiswrist.Itwentslowly,almostimperceptibly,foritwasasmallwatchandhecouldnotseethesecondhand.Butashewatchedtheminutehandhefoundhecouldalmostcheckitsmotionwithhisconcentration.Thegirl』sheadwasunderhischinandwhenhemovedhisheadtolookatthewatchhefeltthecroppedheadagainsthischeek,anditwasassoftbutasaliveandsilkilyrollingaswhenamarten』sfurrisesunderthecaressofyourhandwhenyouspreadthetrapjawsopenandliftthemartenclearand,holdingit,strokethefursmooth.HisthroatswelledwhenhischeekmovedagainstMaria』shairandtherewasahollowachingfromhisthroatallthroughhimasheheldhisarmsaroundher;hisheaddropped,hiseyesclosetothewatchwherethelancepointed,luminoussplintermovedslowlyuptheleftfaceofthedial.HecouldseeitsmovementclearlyandsteadilynowandheheldMariaclosenowtoslowit.Hedidnotwanttowakeherbuthecouldnotleaveheralonenowinthislasttimeandheputhislipsbehindherearandmovedthemupalongherneck,feelingthesmoothskinandthesofttouchofherhaironthem.Hecouldseethehandmovingonthewatchandheheldhertighterandranthetipofhistonguealonghercheekandontothelobeofherearandalongthelovelyconvolutionstothesweet,firmrimatthetop,andhistonguewastrembling.Hefeltthetremblingrunthroughallofthehollowachingandhesawthehandofthewatchnowmountinginsharpangletowardthetopwherethehourwas.Nowwhileshestillsleptheturnedherheadandputhislipstohers.Theylaythere,justtouchinglightlyagainstthesleep-firmmouthandheswungthemsoftlyacrossit,feelingthembrushlightly.Heturnedhimselftowardherandhefelthershiveralongthelong,lightlovelybodyandthenshesighed,sleeping,andthenshe,stillsleeping,heldhimtooandthen,unsleeping,herlipswereagainsthisfirmandhardandpressingandhesaid,「Butthepain.」

Andshesaid,「Nay,thereisnopain.」

「Rabbit.」

「Nay,speaknot.」

「Myrabbit.」

「Speaknot.Speaknot.」

Thentheyweretogethersothatasthehandonthewatchmoved,unseennow,theyknewthatnothingcouldeverhappentotheonethatdidnothappentotheotherthatnootherthingcouldhappenmorethanthis;thatthiswasallandalways;thiswaswhathadbeenandnowandwhateverwastocome.This,thattheywerenottohave,theywerehaving.Theywerehavingnowandbeforeandalwaysandnowandnowandnow.Oh,now,now,now,theonlynow,andaboveallnow,andthereisnoothernowbutthounowandnowisthyprophet.Nowandforevernow.Comenow,now,forthereisnonowbutnow.Yes,now.Now,pleasenow,onlynow,notanythingelseonlythisnow,andwhereareyouandwhereamIandwhereistheotherone,andnotwhy,noteverwhy,onlythisnow;andonandalwayspleasethenalwaysnow,alwaysnow,fornowalwaysonenow;oneonlyone,thereisnootheronebutonenow,one,goingnow,risingnow,sailingnow,leavingnow,wheelingnow,soaringnow,awaynow,allthewaynow,allofallthewaynow;oneandoneisone,isone,isone,isone,isstillone,isstillone,isonedescendingly,isonesoftly,isonelongingly,isonekindly,isonehappily,isoneingoodness,isonetocherish,isonenowonearthwithelbowsagainstthecutandslept-onbranchesofthepinetreewiththesmellofthepineboughsandthenight;toearthconclusivelynow,andwiththemorningofthedaytocome.Thenhesaid,fortheotherwasonlyinhisheadandhehadsaidnothing,「Oh,Maria,IlovetheeandIthanktheeforthis.」

Mariasaid,「Donotspeak.Itisbetterifwedonotspeak.」

「Imusttelltheeforitisagreatthing.」

「Nay.」

「Rabbit——」

Butsheheldhimtightandturnedherheadawayandheaskedsoftly,「Isitpain,rabbit?」

「Nay,」shesaid.「ItisthatIamthankfultootohavebeenanothertimeinlagloria.」

Thenafterwardstheylayquiet,sidebyside,alllengthofankle,thigh,hipandshouldertouching,RobertJordannowwiththewatchwherehecouldseeitagainandMariasaid,「Wehavehadmuchgoodfortune.」

「Yes,」hesaid,「wearepeopleofmuchluck.」

「Thereisnottimetosleep?」

「No,」hesaid,「itstartssoonnow.」

「Thenifwemustriseletusgotogetsomethingtoeat.」

「Allright.」

「Thou.Thouartnotworriedaboutanything?」

「No.」

「Truly?」

「No.Notnow.」

「Butthouhastworriedbefore?」

「Forawhile.」

「IsitaughtIcanhelp?」

「Nay,」hesaid.「Youhavehelpedenough.」

「That?Thatwasforme.」

「Thatwasforusboth,」hesaid.「Nooneistherealone.Come,rabbit,letusdress.」

Buthismind,thatwashisbestcompanion,wasthinkingLaGloria.ShesaidLaGloria.IthasnothingtodowithglorynorLaGloirethattheFrenchwriteandspeakabout.ItisthethingthatisintheCanteHondoandintheSaetas.ItisinGrecoandinSanJuandelaCruz,ofcourse,andintheothers.Iamnomystic,buttodenyitisasignorantasthoughyoudeniedthetelephoneorthattheearthrevolvesaroundthesunorthatthereareotherplanetsthanthis.

Howlittleweknowofwhatthereistoknow.IwishthatIweregoingtolivealongtimeinsteadofgoingtodietodaybecauseIhavelearnedmuchaboutlifeinthesefourdays;more,Ithink,thaninalltheothertime.I』dliketobeanoldmanandtoreallyknow.Iwonderifyoukeeponlearningorifthereisonlyacertainamounteachmancanunderstand.IthoughtIknewaboutsomanythingsthatIknownothingof.Iwishtherewasmoretime.

「Youtaughtmealot,guapa,」hesaidinEnglish.

「Whatdidyousay?」

「Ihavelearnedmuchfromthee.」

「Quéva,」shesaid,「itisthouwhoarteducated.」

Educated,hethought.Ihavetheverysmallestbeginningsofaneducation.Theverysmallbeginnings.IfIdieonthisdayitisawastebecauseIknowafewthingsnow.Iwonderifyouonlylearnthemnowbecauseyouareoversensitizedbecauseoftheshortnessofthetime?Thereisnosuchthingasashortnessoftime,though.Youshouldhavesenseenoughtoknowthattoo.IhavebeenallmylifeinthesehillssinceIhavebeenhere.Anselmoismyoldestfriend.IknowhimbetterthanIknowCharles,thanIknowChub,thanIknowGuy,thanIknowMike,andIknowthemwell.Agustín,withhisvilemouth,ismybrother,andIneverhadabrother.Mariaismytrueloveandmywife.Ineverhadatruelove.Ineverhadawife.Sheisalsomysister,andIneverhadasister,andmydaughter,andIneverwillhaveadaughter.Ihatetoleaveathingthatissogood.Hefinishedtyinghisrope-soledshoes.

「Ifindlifeveryinteresting,」hesaidtoMaria.Shewassittingbesidehimontherobe,herhandsclaspedaroundherankles.Someonemovedtheblanketasidefromtheentrancetothecaveandtheybothsawthelight.Itwasnightstillandherewasnopromiseofmorningexceptthatashelookedupthroughthepineshesawhowlowthestarshadswung.Themorningwouldbecomingfastnowinthismonth.

「Roberto,」Mariasaid.

「Yes,guapa.」

「Inthisoftodaywewillbetogether,willwenot?」

「Afterthestart,yes.」

「Notatthestart?」

「No.Thouwiltbewiththehorses.」

「Icannotbewiththee?」

「No.IhaveworkthatonlyIcandoandIwouldworryaboutthee.」

「Butyouwillcomefastwhenitisdone?」

「Veryfast,」hesaidandgrinnedinthedark.「Come,guapa,letusgoandeat.」

「Andthyrobe?」

「Rollitup,ifitpleasesthee.」

「Itpleasesme,」shesaid.

「Iwillhelpthee.」

「Nay.Letmedoitalone.」

Sheknelttospreadandrolltherobe,thenchangedhermindandstoodupandshookitsoitflapped.Thenshekneltdownagaintostraightenitandrollit.RobertJordanpickedupthetwopacks,holdingthemcarefullysothatnothingwouldspillfromtheslitsinthem,andwalkedoverthroughthepinestothecavemouthwherethesmokyblankethung.Itwastenminutestothreebyhiswatchwhenhepushedtheblanketasidewithhiselbowandwentintothecave.